It feels like I have adopted two kids...Although that's what I've always wanted to do-and there're still chances that I could talk Huby into it in the next few years- I'm not sure if that was my intention for the time being and the kids this old... I mean I feel responsible for their success,prosperity and failures...I get upset for their problems and issues they have to face and for the common pain we all share despite my own chaotic & overwhelming personal life,I guess I'm really vulnerable to their pain;perhaps I feel guilty for I left them when they were still growing up at a sensitive age, when I myself needed them the most,and probably because of our relationship dynamics at the early age. I wish I wasn't the oldest, one who would have to help them with their homework in the mornings when my parents were gone...I wonder if they realize I have always been more than a sister to them even from miles aways, but was it wrong? should I have left them on their own from the get-go? or would I have sent them to live with a disfunctional family? It's too late too detach now...I believe everything happens for a reason and there's a lesson to be learned...either way I'm grateful that I'm making a difference in their lives, but I wish I could do more for them and that they would be a little more coachable, maybe the lesson is for me to let go?