Precisely in 7 days,one hour and 52 more minutes, I'm getting married to Mr. M.S and we will live happily ever after...just like fairy tales..well although I don't believe in fairytales anymore, there are still someways to live a fanasy life...but ...the thing is , I still have hardtime, looking into the world from a married woman's eyes...maybe cuz I'm still not one, but it seems that everything is happening in the speed of light these days...I just turned 27 and even with that I'm in denial...I guess everybody has their own doubts and moments, but my question is, when do we know for sure if a decision is right...and do we ever know?
People ask me how I feel, and I don't know the feeling, it's nostalgic, it's mixed,it's like a taste of a diet pepsi,exciting yet predictable...it's like a documentary unfolding, to see your whole past unfloding into present and wondering about the future...It's strange to feel older, to grow up,to be obligated to grow up, to think in a certain way, to agree with someone when you may totally disagree,to learn to get hurt, to be ok to get hurt, to be patient,to be diligent,to be calm yet passionate, to be a lover and a giver...despite the strange feeling, I have excitement to move into our new apartment, to create a family and to live a life I always have dreamed of...to not have to go the distance and constantly being on the road, to be settled and stop being an immigrant swallow...
my dad who was visiting sometime ago, told me "My daughter, you have to throw away your childhood dolls you still have in your room"... that's what scares me, having to separete into a womanhood with no dolls, no signs of obliviousnous and irresponsible laughs...If this is me and I'm commited to do this, I'll change the rules...There'll be our rules!
People ask me how I feel, and I don't know the feeling, it's nostalgic, it's mixed,it's like a taste of a diet pepsi,exciting yet predictable...it's like a documentary unfolding, to see your whole past unfloding into present and wondering about the future...It's strange to feel older, to grow up,to be obligated to grow up, to think in a certain way, to agree with someone when you may totally disagree,to learn to get hurt, to be ok to get hurt, to be patient,to be diligent,to be calm yet passionate, to be a lover and a giver...despite the strange feeling, I have excitement to move into our new apartment, to create a family and to live a life I always have dreamed of...to not have to go the distance and constantly being on the road, to be settled and stop being an immigrant swallow...
my dad who was visiting sometime ago, told me "My daughter, you have to throw away your childhood dolls you still have in your room"... that's what scares me, having to separete into a womanhood with no dolls, no signs of obliviousnous and irresponsible laughs...If this is me and I'm commited to do this, I'll change the rules...There'll be our rules!
1 comment:
Wow..it has been a long time I haven't even checked your blog but there was a strong sense telling me that you will write something before your big day and I was right..
I can feel the excitement, the fear, love, challenge and happiness all intermixed in your state of mind right now. I know, sometimes I wish I was closed to you to be part of this big day for you but alas life has its own turns and destiny for each one of us.
My beautiful friend, life has been unfolding the beautiful layers of red, blue, green, purple and yellow colors in front of your beautiful feet and tomorrow its purest color white that has no imperfections would be unfolded in front of your eyes and you will be embraced by love for eternity..
You will be married in papers and with a ring in your hand, but your free spirit to explore and challenge life and your journey of transformation would not fade tomorrow..your challenges would be different but you are still that little girl that once thought having the beautiful doll is the best thing in the world and talked to them every night..
It is exhillirating for me to see you surpassing this stage of your life I am overwhelmed with the emotions I have for you too and so happy to see your happiness
finally your childhood dream of wedding dress would come true tomorrow :)
Love you
your friend
Mahya
Post a Comment